Things You Don't Want To Hear As a Mock Job Interviewer (But That I Did . . .)

Me: What unit of the hospital do you prefer to work in?
Student 1: Surgical.
Me: Why?
S1: Because I like to see people's organs.
Me: Uhh . . . you what?
S1: I like to see the organs. It's very interesting.

Me: So what position are you interested in at the hospital?
S2: This! (pointing to the line on her resume that says "Computer Programmer")
Me: You want to be a programmer?
S2: Yes, yes, yes!
Me: And you studied nursing?
S2: Yes!
Me: Exactly what are your career goals?
(much confusion . . . I explain this several times using different words)
S2: Oh, yes! I want to have a big shop.
Me: A shop?
S2: Yes! It will have many, many, many beautiful clothes!
Me: OK. Um, since you studied nursing, let me ask you what your idea of a good nurse is.
S2: If the patient is very poor, I will not take his money. I will treat him for free!
Me: Uh . . . great. We'll call you.

Me: What do you think is your greatest weakness?
S3: Sometimes, if I have a lot of work to do, and I think it's too hard for me, and I can't do it, I will get depressed.
Me: And how do you deal with that?
S3: Well, I eat a banana.
Me: A banana.
S3: Yes.
Me: And that works?
S3: Yes. It's very help me.

Me: So what kind of work experience do you have?
S4: I am . . . I work . . . I was . . . A-S-S-I-S-T-A-N-T. In shop.
Me: And why do you want to be a nurse?
S4: It is my . . . my . . . D-R-E-A-M.
Me: (smiling and nodding outwardly, weeping and gnashing teeth inwardly)



Dave (eating a banana)