Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Meet the Press

Friday we had a press conference. By "we," I mean the Shanghai Institute of Health Sciences. We were all 'strongly encouraged' to be there, so I figured, hey, why not? Can't be too bad. I thought it would be best if I wore a suit, since I didn't know who else would be there or what they would be wearing. This proved to be my great mistake.

When we arrived, the Finns (Finnish exchange students who are always extremely cheerful, despite understanding even less of what's going on than we do) were already there. We all trooped over to the big conference room, made ourselves comfy in the big leather chairs at the back of the room, and waited. And waited.

After about half an hour of dozing in the fancy chairs and checking our watches, there was a sudden flurry of activity and the administration of the school, trailed by twenty or thirty reporters and cameramen, trooped in. 'Great,' I thought, 'Now we just sleep in our back-row seats for the next hour or two, and-- '

But it was not to be. The head of the international division bounced up and imperiously gestured at a chair at the conference table. "You will sit here, yes?" It wasn't a question. Curse my fancy suit! I was the only teacher wearing one.

I sat at the table for the next hour and a half, looking seriously and thoughtfully from speaker to speaker, wishing I could understand Chinese and praying that no-one would ask me a question. Knowing a few words in Chinese is perhaps better than knowing none at all, but it makes the speeches sound like this: "Blah blah blah blah we blah blah blah two blah blah blah blah blah Shanghai blah blah we blah blah. Ha ha ha ha!" This kind of thing is rather trying to one's nerves.

I actually spent most of the time darting envious glances at the reporter across from me, who was entirely engaged in trying to prop his chin up on his notepad so that he could sleep. He wasn't even pretending to stay awake. The only really scary part was when one of the reporters stood up and began speaking in English. As soon as she did, I knew she was going to ask me a question. Thankfully, I babbled some pablum about how Chinese students work hard to secure a better future for themselves and sat down again without embarassing myself too much.

Maybe I'll show up on the Shanghai evening news. It's happened to other teachers. Next time, I'm wearing my pajamas.

Dave

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Way to go Dave! Who knows where this will take you!

Love,
Mom W

J.Mac said...

You know, I once read a book on an English teacher and his experiences in China. It was called "Iron and Silk" --by Salzman, I think. It seems you might be able to write your own book. Just a thought. Glad life is fun and challenging. Hope all is well! JM<><

ChineseTalberts said...

Yeah, I read that book. Therein lies the difference between Mark and myself -- he was a brilliant handsome intelligent martial arts master who spoke and read Mandarin fluently and had a postgraduate degree in Chinese literature. And me? I'll let you draw your own conclusions :-D

Chaya said...

Dave,
Your rendition was definitely laugh out loud funny.